Ringing in the New Year

Well, it's New Year's Eve. I will spend it alone yet again, but I am not really down about it. I have decided to put on some music and work on a vision board. A vision board is a collage of things that you want in your life. One image that I plan to put on my board is a woman holding a purse with thousands of dollars in it. I definitely want that in my life! The hardest part is going through magazines and finding pictures and phrases of those things that I want. I'll put on some music so that I will enjoy that part.

Although 2009 was difficult for me, I think that it ended better than it started. I hope that I can keep up the same positive momentum in 2010.

Happy New Year!

I had a really good Christmas. I spent Christmas with one of my sisters and my brother and other friends and family. We enjoyed each others company and ate a lot of really good food! I really overdid it-I got acid reflux later that night.

I haven't been very productive. In fact, it felt like depression was trying to sneak its way in. I didn't accomplish what I planned to accomplish today but I did get some other things done. I also read some magazines and enjoyed myself doing that. I think that I am starting to get stressed by trying to do too much. I need to re-evaluate my plans and come up with some lifestyle changes that are doable.

It looks like I can start a part-time job soon! I have been applying for months and it looks like one is finally coming through. I am going to start small. I only plan to work about 10-12 hours a week. As things get easier, then I plan to take on more responsibility. I hope that this is the start of a better life for me.

My Estranged Husband

Someone asked me about my husband so I will talk about him in this post. My husband supports me financially and I do appreciate that very much. Emotionally, however, I am on my own. He just had a really difficult time dealing with the disorder. When we were living together, we didn't know what the diagnosis was. We just knew that I wasn't myself and it was very serious. I didn't find out my diagnosis until after we separated. I still haven't told him the diagnosis. We no longer live together and are going to get divorced, hopefully this summer.

Side Effects

I feel like I am at a weird place right now. In some ways, I feel like I am getting better. I am more optimistic-I believe that with God's help I can make it through the messes (mainly financial) in my life. I am making an effort to improve my life. There are a couple of things that have me concerned however. One issue of concern is the morning grogginess that I experience. It is extremely difficult to wake up and today I feel a little dull. I probably should have had some coffee but it is too late for that now. The other issue is the "noise" in my head. I don't know if it is getting worse or if I am just becoming more aware of it. I hate it. It seems to make things more complicated than they have to be and it just makes it more difficult to focus and concentrate. I don't want to go up on my medication anymore. So far, every time I have increased my dosage of risperdal, I get the grogginess and it lasts for weeks. It makes it very difficult to go to work and it throws off the rest of my day. I hope that I can get some relief soon!

Still Fighting Depression

It has been such a long time since I have written!

Depression has been trying to snake its ugly tentacles around me yet again. This time, I need to fight. I think that part of my problem is that I have been too passive. I need to set small, doable goals and complete those. When I do, I usually feel better.

It is very frustrating to make some progress and then slide back some. Ugh! I went to group tonight and mentioned some of the same things and they kind of laughed and rolled their eyes. I guess I can't say much, I was pretty rude tonight because I kept checking my watch. I wasn't checking it to be rude, I just had something else to do at a certain time and I didn't want to be late.

I have some goals that I feel are doable, but I don't want to share them just yet. I have to reset my mind for success!

Fighting Depression

I am fighting to be hopeful. I am extremely stressed about money and obtaining work. I am in the hole big time. I owe so many people. I hope that I can pay them back quickly.

I am starting to apply for tutoring positions. I have to take certification quizzes and I need to review for those. I certainly hope that I pass. I also have an interest meeting and interview coming up Tuesday. Tuesday night's event is far and at night. I am planning to go for a trial run Saturday morning when there isn't as much traffic and there is plenty of daylight. I hope that it doesn't rain.

Applying to jobs helps some with my stress because I am doing something about my issues. I feel disappointment try to creep in when there aren't any phone calls and I haven't heard back from the one interview that I had. I just have to have faith and hold on to the hope that my job is out there!

Speaking of jobs, I have finally started subbing again. I decided that I will work Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Tuesday and Thursday are for catching up on errands, groups, and job hunting. I feel really good about my schedule. I think that it is very doable for me.

My doctor increased one of my medications. I know that I need to increase the dosage but it is difficult to deal with the drowsiness that lasts for a while until I get used to it.

I am so wound up about my financial and job situation right now! I hope that something changes soon and for the better!

Not Able to Sleep

I am so wired! I can't sleep. I took my medicine but it hasn't kicked in yet. I am actually excited like something good is going to happen this week. I sure hope that is true. I guess I will find out if it is, God willing!

All About the Benjamins!

While I was driving today, I realized something. I am tired of being poor. I think that I am at the point where I am so tired of it, that I will actually do something about it. I have done something about it already. I applied to four jobs this week!

I think that I will have to ask my estranged husband for money again. I really thought that the last time I asked him for money was going to be the last time, at least for a while. I have gotten behind on my rent again! I also got a ticket for running a red light. There are other expenses that need to be paid as well.

My financial state is my biggest stress right now. I hope that things will turnaround really quickly. I want to be able to be self-sufficient.

Feeling Blue Part II

As I posted earlier tonight, I feel blue. I feel lonely, but I really don't want to be around anyone or even talk to anyone. I am starting to be discouraged again about my present state (lonely, fat, not attractive, not particularly good at anything, kind of a failure, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay behind financially, just stuck and not really able to do anything, not really employed). I haven't heard anything about a job and I think that has me down too. There are a lot of things that I need to do and want to do, but I just don't have the money right now. I feel like my life is on hold and that is a hard place to be.

I would like to become attractive. Feeling unattractive really impacts my self-esteem. I would like to clear up my skin, get my teeth fixed, lose weight, get rid of unwanted hair, and style the hair that I want to keep! Any one of these would help me to feel better but to do all of them? I would be on top of the world!

As far as a job goes, I really want to have my own business. I read about a woman in Canada with SA who has her own business. It was really inspiring. I really hope that I can do that, too. First, though, I have to get a job! My credit is shot, so I will have to fund everything myself. I hope that I will be successful.

I feel a little bit better, a little bit more hopeful after writing about my desires. When I feel really good, I might blog about how I can help others.

Feeling Blue

I stayed home and cooked today. One dish is still in the crock-pot cooking. The other dish was mediocre. The last few dishes that I have cooked haven't turned out well. It's pretty frustrating. I hope that the crock-pot dish turns out well.

I am feeling kind of blue today. I think that it stems from loneliness. I thought that I was getting along pretty well with one of the support groups but that doesn't seem to be the case. It bums me out. I also got a ticket in the mail for running a red light. I just seem to be sliding into the dumps.

Symptoms and Medication

The schizo part of the schizoaffective disorder acted up today. I was visiting with my father and sister, mostly with my sister, and I felt a little disconnected and distant. I also found it a little difficult to be around her. I think that the SA amplifies those feelings. I feel like she is everything that I am not. She is pretty, thin, well-to-do, and happily married. She is stable and good at her job. She puts herself together well and has a nice social circle. Just listing these differences is depressing me.

I find it easier to be by myself, even though I do get lonely sometimes.

I wonder about how this will affect me when I start working again. I see that it will be better for me to have some work where I can be by myself for at least part of the time.

Sometimes I find it hard to make judgments, especially when I have strong thoughts that suggest that I should do something or not do something. I just experienced that a short time ago. I told my doctor that I was having hallucinations and he increased my medication, but he also told me that I could go up 0.5mg if I felt the need. I think that I feel the need.

I normally take my medicine at 10pm but I took it at 8pm tonight. Why so early? I haven't been fully waking up until around noon or later lately. That has been a huge reason that I haven't been working. I hope that by taking it early I can get up early.

Clean Kitchen=Healthy Eating

I didn't work today, but I accomplished something major (at least for me!): I washed dishes, cleaned the kitchen a little, and cooked!

I also realize that in order for me to be compliant with eating healthy, I have to keep the kitchen clean and in order. This is a revelation for me. Hopefully this revelation will help me to keep a clean kitchen when I am inclined to do otherwise. This principle has worked for me before with my meds. I keep a bottle of water and my pillbox next to my bed. Both of those have really helped with my compliance. I will let you know how it works!

Thinking Like an Athlete

In one of the fitness magazines that I like to read, there was a feature about an athlete named Kristin Armstrong. I really like her story. She was a triathlete but she developed osteoarthritis and couldn't run anymore. She was tempted to give up on competing altogether. Instead, she focused on what she could do. She could still bike and eventually ended up winning a gold medal in Beijing in cycling!

Even though I haven't been on a bicycle in years, I think that there is a strong parallel between my story and Krisitin's. For a long time, I focused on what I couldn't do. I also focused a lot on my failures. SA has impacted me and I have to take it into account with the things that I decide to do. I do think, however, that I was previously selling myself way short and now I am starting to believe that more is possible for me.

The feature also speaks of Kristin's philosophy of the importance of focus and goal-setting. She stated that you have to focus on what you can do and not what the person next to you is doing. I really need to hear that! I was so focused on the accomplishments of my classmates that I wasn't paying attention to what I could do! As far as goal-setting, she advocates breaking goals down monthly, weekly, and daily so you can monitor your progress. I really like this because I realize that I have to start doing some things daily, monthly, or weekly in order to improve my life so that these things become a habit. I plan to start small so that I am not overwhelmed.

(Lack of) Progress Report

I am a little bit frustrated. Even though I feel better emotionally, I am still acting depressed. I haven't subbed in a long time and my apartment is a mess once again. I think that I will focus and work on my goals. Maybe that will help me get back on track.

I ordered a couple of cookbooks from Amazon a little while ago. I hope that these are some good cookbooks! I also ordered a stretching DVD. I really like stretching. It relaxes me.

Will report later on my progress.

Life's Pleasures

I did something today that I really enjoyed. I went to a bookstore for the first time in over a year. That is way too long! I didn't go before today because I was scared of getting lost. It was like a part of me was reawakened when I walked through the doors. I looked at some healthy cookbooks and really enjoyed myself. I am going to have to back as well as visit another bookstore that is close to my house. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, life's pleasures!

I Need to Lose Weight!

Well, I know that I have mentioned it before, but I am fat. (I weigh 224.6 lbs!) I need to lose about 100 lbs, especially since it impacts my activities of daily living. I went to Target with my sister today (who has a great body and is of normal weight) and I had trouble keeping up with her. My back started to hurt and it hurts because I am carrying too much weight. Sometimes I get winded from getting ready in the morning.

I need to lose weight runs through my head often. I often feel, however, that it is going to take a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time to see any benefit. That is not true though. I remember previous attempts at losing weight where I felt better simply because I was taking better care of myself.

What I need to do is formulate a plan, follow the plan, and if the plan doesn't work, change the plan. One small, doable action that I can take is to find healthy, low-fat recipes. I also need to clean my kitchen and make cleaning my kitchen a priority. I also plan to order some healthy cookbooks. Other things to do would be to drink more water and eat more fruits and vegetables.

I would really like to go to Weight Watchers, but because of money, I need to create my own plan. I would also like to join a gym, but again money is an issue. I have exercise DVD's and I can just workout with those until my financial situation improves.

My homework for this week is to formulate a weight loss plan for myself. I'll outline it in one of my posts.

Developing Hope-The Extended Version

I feel more hopeful and more stable. This is light years away from where I have been earlier this year. Yesterday, someone reminded me that just a couple of months ago I told the support group that there was no hope for me of attaining a better life. I believed that my life sucked and worse yet, it would always suck.

My life is still in tiny little pieces as I mentioned earlier in one of my posts. My finances are a disaster, my marriage is ruined, I am obese, and I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off track with my career. My finances and my weight bring me down the most. I still struggle with hopelessness with my finances because I just couldn't see a way out or through.

My friend asked me last night, what changed for you? How did you develop hope? It is kind of hard to answer, but I feel compelled to at least try.

My most recent major breakdown was in March of this year. One of the major signs that I am depressed is a tendency to isolate. I did not contact my friends and family for a month. I would leave the house once a day to get food. My apartment was kept dark and I pretty much just sat in bed and watched TV. I didn't shower for weeks and I didn't comb my hair. Of course the apartment didn't get cleaned. One of my sisters came by and for some reason I let her in. She really helped to save my life. She let me cry and she asked me if I needed to go back into the hospital (I said no.) She told me that I had to make an appointment with the psychiatrist though. I did but it wasn't for a few weeks later. She and another sister came by again and took me to a natural foods grocery store and we hung out there.
I started calling people but it took a while for me to stabilize. I still dipped into suicidal lows and even told a friend not to feel like she failed if I went ahead and killed myself. I would go to suicidal websites and look up famous people who committed suicide. My sister would come by and I wouldn't answer the door. I still wasn't doing my hair. I don't think that I showered much. I read a lot of biographies for some reason. I think that the only positive things that I did were to talk to my friend and look up mental health resources online.
I went to see my doctor and he was glad that I was talking to people but he wanted me to physically be around people. He suggested a book club. I looked up support groups instead that met close to my house. I found three and went to two of them that first week. One was a mental health group led by an intern and the other was a faith based group. Both groups had people who had been attending for years in it, so they knew each other and I felt kind of left out. I was still pretty low and very negative and judgmental. One lady reached out to me in the mental health group and that helped me some. I still appreciate that to this day. I went to the faith based group to get back on track spiritually. I wasn't going to church regularly at all but the faith based group seemed like a good place to start. Even though I didn't like this group at first, I kept going back because I was determined to get my spiritual life together and I thought that this was the place to do it.
Even though I didn't know anyone there, I told myself to keep going back. That was my small goal. After a while, I found myself looking forward to the groups. Now, I really look forward to going to the support groups. They have helped me a lot. Recently, they suggested that I talk to my doctor about increasing my anti-depressant because I talked about being hopeless a lot. I told him what they said and he agreed to do it!
There is another group that I haven't been to in a while and that is the peer support group. This was my favorite group until I developed a crush on a member of one of the other support groups. (It didn't really go anywhere but I think that I will save that saga for another time.) It is a really good group and I really like the facilitator. It was in that group that I was given the suggestion to write this blog.
I have gotten off track a little...
So, I am taking more showers now and going to support groups and talking to my friends and family. It was during this time that I really began to appreciate my friends and family and how great they are for being so supportive of me. I talked to one sister almost every day. I really needed it and she was so there for me. A friend talked to me often as she has mental health issues and could understand a lot of what I was going through. This friend encouraged me when I would speak of being hopeless. She would tell me that I was smart (because I believed that I was dumb) and that I could have a career. She would encourage me to think about what career options were available to me when I didn't think that anything was really available to me. She gently persisted in getting me to think about a positive future when I didn't think that I had one.
There were a few times during this process that I would hit lows and want to isolate. This time, though, I would make myself call someone and I believe that helped out a lot.

Spiritually, I decided that I would go to this church that I had attended before. It only lasts for an hour so that made it doable for me. The dress is also very casual which was good because I could wear scarves to cover my hair. I have missed a few Sundays but I attend waaaaaaaaay more than I have in years. The biggest change that I am excited about is that I am actually excited to go to church! I feel like I get a boost from going and I haven't felt like that in a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. I think that going to a church that is right for me has helped me with feeling more hopeful. I pray more about things that bother me instead of just worrying about them and that helps me feel calmer about those things.

I definitely haven't arrived, but things are definitely better than they were. In writing out my story I see that a pattern has emerged: I set small goals, get those under my belt, and set new ones.

My next goals involve finding a new job and losing weight in small doable steps. What small, doable steps can you take toward wellness?

Job Interview, Hair, and Housekeeping

Well, yesterday was the day of the job interview. I felt pretty good about the way I looked. I went and got coffee beforehand because I have been dealing with grogginess from one of my medications. I didn't want to be yawning throughout the interview! It was a short interview thankfully but I was interviewed by a panel of three. That threw me for a minute. I felt good about most of the interview but the end was a little weird. I hope that it won't count against me. I should find out if I got the job by next week so hopefully I will have something good to report! Whatever happens, I feel good about my overall performance.

I got my hair done for the interview and it had an unexpected side effect: I felt more confident about myself! It has been so long since I have had a style that was becoming that I had forgotten what a difference a nice hairstyle can make in one's level of attractiveness! I am at a crossroads about what to do with it. I liked the way that I had it because I felt more attractive but it is kind of a high maintenance way to wear it. I'll figure something out.

I am slacking on my housekeeping duties and that is moderately distressing to me. I believe that I am making progress but that will probably be one of the last areas that will show improvement. Even when I am well, I am not a great housekeeper. I live in a tiny apartment so it should be easy to clean right? One would think so. I really need to tackle that tiny kitchen. I need to do that soon.

Job Interview!

I am nervous and excited! I got a call about 30 minutes ago about a job that I applied for! I have to call back to set up the interview. I am so excited that someone is interested in me.

It is a part time position. I really need full-time pay but emotionally part-time is better for me. I hope and pray that the interview goes well. Will keep you posted!

Really Good Day

Last night I went out with some people. I didn't have a good time and that is all that I will say about that. I decided to make today a good day instead. You know what? I had a really good day. I bought some magazines and went to lunch at Pei Wei. After that, I went to Starbucks and leisurely read part of one of the magazines. The weather here was nice and sunny so I sat outside and enjoyed being outdoors before it gets too cold. I went to visit my father but he was sleeping so I didn't stay long. I bought dinner and came home and talked on the phone to one of my sisters and also to a friend. I'll be going to bed soon, so I will probably read one of the magazines to help me drift off to sleep. (I forgot to mention that I did a little housework today! As a treat to myself for doing something, I hooked up one of the Air Wick plug-ins. I really like those things.)

I really enjoyed myself today, especially going to Starbucks and reading a magazine. It has been so long since I have done that! I think that I will try not to let so much time pass between Starbucks visits again. It is really important to do things that bring enjoyment if you can.

Courage

After group last night, one of the attendees told me that she thought that I added a lot to the group. She also said that she thought that I was courageous. I generally don't think of myself as being courageous. In fact, I usually think of myself as being wimpy. I guess it does take courage to even attempt to carve out a life for yourself with SA.

Just Do It!

I have had a very interesting week, emotionally. Internally, I felt myself getting better and more hopeful. I even posted about it Wednesday. I really felt LIFE developing inside me again. Externally, nothing changed. I didn't go to work at all. I didn't clean my apartment. I didn't cook much. I barely showered. It's very confusing to me. I can't remember a time when I felt one way emotionally and responded another way externally.
If you will allow me to navel gaze for a moment, I think that I have been feeling anxious. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I would think about doing something productive like going to work. Instead of pushing past that feeling, I would simply get in bed and go to sleep. I have been avoiding one of my sisters because she asks me about work and I don't want to confess to her that I haven't been in this week.
I know what I need to do though. I need to push past the feeling and just do the task. Not analyze the task or how I feel about it. I need to do it.

I have been thinking a lot about champions, athletes, and being courageous. I read a post by Julie Fast that discussed champions and greatness. She defines herself as a champion because she manages bipolar disorder successfully. I love that definition. I think that I will apply it to myself. In another post, she talked about athletes and how focused they have to be to reach their goals. They also practice whether they feel like it or not. I think that part of my problem is that I am not focused on making my goals come to life. I need to come up with some compelling goals that will keep me working through depression like Ms. Fast. I need to get in touch with the real me that used to be optimistic, set goals, and achieve them. I need to become a champion!

Developing Hope

I am slooooooooooooooowly making progress. I have applied to a few jobs and I prepared a meal.

I feel like something on the inside of me is developing. I feel a small flicker of LIFE. There is a growing feeling that I would like to become a fully functional adult, but I know that I need to take it in small steps. I need to start with a few of the key issues (job, weight, etc) and go from there.

I just read a post in my favorite blog. It was about greatness and being a champion. I used to believe that I was destined for greatness and I was an academic champion. Then came mental illness and everything seemed to crumble in little pieces. Even though a significant part of my life is still in those tiny pieces, I am beginning to believe that I can restore my life. I guess what I am saying is that I finally have some hope.

Making a Little Progress

I finally made a little progress. It took the whole week for me to do it! I cleaned (a little). That is huge for me! I still haven't cooked or made headway into finding a job.

It has been very difficult to motivate myself to do anything worthwhile. It is like I have been resistant to doing things that better my situation. I don't know what that is about.

Nothing Much to Say

I am embarrassed to write that I haven't accomplished anything. I haven't cleaned up my apartment, I haven't cooked, and I haven't made any progress with finding a job.

I am happy to report, however, that I do feel more hopeful than I have in a while. That feels really good.

I didn't make it to church this morning because I overslept. When I finally did wake up, I showered and went to visit my father. It was a difficult visit for my father because he was in pain.

I haven't talked to anyone by phone today and that is rare for me. I usually talk to at least 2 people a day. I just haven't felt like talking much. I watched part of Mad Men season 1. I really like it!

I think that I am taking too much of my sleeping medication. I woke up late today and I still feel sleepy. The temperature has dropped and it is dark outside. I don't want to do anything but stay in bed and watch DVD's.

I'll try to have some progress made by my next post. I really dislike not having anything new to report.

The Only Thing We Have to Fear...

My devotional was about fear. Most of the time I read the devotionals and forget about them pretty quickly afterward but this one has stuck with me. I realize that I allow fear to keep me from doing a great deal in my life. Even thinking about fear makes me want to get into bed and not do anything.

I know that I should probably list the things that I am afraid of and begin tackling them. So much resistance to this! I really don't want to deal with this but if I am going to progress then I must.

Maybe I need a different approach. One way to approach this is to act as if I already have what I want and I am just doing what is necessary to obtain/keep the goal. Otherwise, I tend to talk myself out doing whatever I need to do because I don't believe that it will really happen. I think that I will give this new approach a shot. I'll keep you posted on what happens with it. If it works, great! If not, it just means that a new approach is in order.

My Ideal Life in Part

I would be:
*considerably thinner and healthier
*employed in a field where I
*am able to do my job excellently
*have a great work ethic
*am able to get along well with peers and superiors
*am respected
*like what I do
*am able to rise in the ranks
*back in graduate school (successfully)
*paying off debt while saving
*growing spiritually and
*widening my social circle

I am feeling much better today. I talked with a friend and I prayed last night (or really early this morning). When I woke up today I felt a lot better.

One thing that I thought about is what I have to do , what I have believe in order to have the life I want. I guess there are several things that I have to do.
1) I have to believe that God will help me.
2) I have to believe that this ideal life is possible for me.
3) I have to set and achieve small goals to achieve the larger ones.
4) I have to be patient. Change usually takes time.
5) I have to accept where I am while changing my situation.
6) I have to be disciplined and diligent in doing those things that will bring about change.
7) I have to plan my work, work my plan, and change the plan when it is not working any longer. (I heard this at my support group tonight and I really like it!)

There is a blogger that I really like. Her name is Julie Fast and she has bipolar disorder. I found her one suicidal night when I was searching for some hope. She is unapologetic about having bipolar disorder and I kind of marvel at that. What I really like about her is ger determination to create a good life for herself. I believe it is this determination that keeps her going when depression would win otherwise. I really look up to her for that and think about how I can acquire that in my own life. I believe that if I believe a better life is within my reach, then my determination will improve. I also like how she has created a life for herself that is based on what she can and can't do. She takes care of herself. Julie Fast totally rocks! I encourage you to check out her blog and website bipolarhappens.com/bhblog or go to juliefast.com

It Sucks to be Me Right Now

My life is such a mess. When I think about trying to overhaul it, I just lay in bed and watch TV, bad movies preferably. I would say that I don't know where to start, but that isn't entirely true. One of my sisters is supposed to stay with me this weekend and my apartment is a WRECK! I need to clean it, even if she decides not to come. The other area of my life that I need to make headway in is my professional life. I am currently working as a substitute teacher which is good and bad. It is good in that if I am having a bad day, I don't have to go in. I really like the flexibility. The bad is that I have no benefits, the pay isn't that great, and sometimes it is good for me to go out and do something when I don't feel like it. I really need to get a real job and it scares me. I am scared that I won't get hired and I am scared that I will get hired and won't be able to do the job well. I don't feel like there is much that I can do well. I used to have so much confidence in my ability to do things well and now it seems like the confidence has just slowly evaporated.

Other areas of my life that suck are that I am obese, I am lonely (my marriage broke up about 2 years ago) and I am in a horrible financial situation. My friends and family are my few saving graces. They are great and have been very supportive.

I want more positive things in my life but I don't feel like I have the energy to pursue them. Worse yet, I don't really believe that I could get them even if I pursued them. I feel like it is my lot in life to suck. Sometimes I can't believe how my life has crashed down around me. I feel pretty much helpless to do anything about it.

Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Hi!

Do you remember the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? My mind isn't beautiful, but it is cute!

My name is Dawn and I have schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective disorder is comprised of a thought disorder (schizophrenia) and a mood disorder (depression or bipolar disorder-I have depression).

I have decided to blog about my experience with schizoaffective disorder to help myself as well as others. I'm a little nervous about it, but it is something that I definitely want to do.

Ta-ta for now!