The Only Thing We Have to Fear...

My devotional was about fear. Most of the time I read the devotionals and forget about them pretty quickly afterward but this one has stuck with me. I realize that I allow fear to keep me from doing a great deal in my life. Even thinking about fear makes me want to get into bed and not do anything.

I know that I should probably list the things that I am afraid of and begin tackling them. So much resistance to this! I really don't want to deal with this but if I am going to progress then I must.

Maybe I need a different approach. One way to approach this is to act as if I already have what I want and I am just doing what is necessary to obtain/keep the goal. Otherwise, I tend to talk myself out doing whatever I need to do because I don't believe that it will really happen. I think that I will give this new approach a shot. I'll keep you posted on what happens with it. If it works, great! If not, it just means that a new approach is in order.

My Ideal Life in Part

I would be:
*considerably thinner and healthier
*employed in a field where I
*am able to do my job excellently
*have a great work ethic
*am able to get along well with peers and superiors
*am respected
*like what I do
*am able to rise in the ranks
*back in graduate school (successfully)
*paying off debt while saving
*growing spiritually and
*widening my social circle

I am feeling much better today. I talked with a friend and I prayed last night (or really early this morning). When I woke up today I felt a lot better.

One thing that I thought about is what I have to do , what I have believe in order to have the life I want. I guess there are several things that I have to do.
1) I have to believe that God will help me.
2) I have to believe that this ideal life is possible for me.
3) I have to set and achieve small goals to achieve the larger ones.
4) I have to be patient. Change usually takes time.
5) I have to accept where I am while changing my situation.
6) I have to be disciplined and diligent in doing those things that will bring about change.
7) I have to plan my work, work my plan, and change the plan when it is not working any longer. (I heard this at my support group tonight and I really like it!)

There is a blogger that I really like. Her name is Julie Fast and she has bipolar disorder. I found her one suicidal night when I was searching for some hope. She is unapologetic about having bipolar disorder and I kind of marvel at that. What I really like about her is ger determination to create a good life for herself. I believe it is this determination that keeps her going when depression would win otherwise. I really look up to her for that and think about how I can acquire that in my own life. I believe that if I believe a better life is within my reach, then my determination will improve. I also like how she has created a life for herself that is based on what she can and can't do. She takes care of herself. Julie Fast totally rocks! I encourage you to check out her blog and website bipolarhappens.com/bhblog or go to juliefast.com

It Sucks to be Me Right Now

My life is such a mess. When I think about trying to overhaul it, I just lay in bed and watch TV, bad movies preferably. I would say that I don't know where to start, but that isn't entirely true. One of my sisters is supposed to stay with me this weekend and my apartment is a WRECK! I need to clean it, even if she decides not to come. The other area of my life that I need to make headway in is my professional life. I am currently working as a substitute teacher which is good and bad. It is good in that if I am having a bad day, I don't have to go in. I really like the flexibility. The bad is that I have no benefits, the pay isn't that great, and sometimes it is good for me to go out and do something when I don't feel like it. I really need to get a real job and it scares me. I am scared that I won't get hired and I am scared that I will get hired and won't be able to do the job well. I don't feel like there is much that I can do well. I used to have so much confidence in my ability to do things well and now it seems like the confidence has just slowly evaporated.

Other areas of my life that suck are that I am obese, I am lonely (my marriage broke up about 2 years ago) and I am in a horrible financial situation. My friends and family are my few saving graces. They are great and have been very supportive.

I want more positive things in my life but I don't feel like I have the energy to pursue them. Worse yet, I don't really believe that I could get them even if I pursued them. I feel like it is my lot in life to suck. Sometimes I can't believe how my life has crashed down around me. I feel pretty much helpless to do anything about it.

Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Hi!

Do you remember the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? My mind isn't beautiful, but it is cute!

My name is Dawn and I have schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective disorder is comprised of a thought disorder (schizophrenia) and a mood disorder (depression or bipolar disorder-I have depression).

I have decided to blog about my experience with schizoaffective disorder to help myself as well as others. I'm a little nervous about it, but it is something that I definitely want to do.

Ta-ta for now!