There are a lot of rags to riches stories out there and many of them are inspiring. I believe that most are written "after the fact" - you know after the difficulty has been surmounted and is in the rear view mirror. I think that it would be much more helpful to have a resource that is written while in the trenches. That way the pain, uncertainty, and doubt are raw and present. Maybe it is presumptuous of me to write this while my life is a shambles and I really can't see my way through yet. I need at least $1000 to pay rent, car note, and car insurance, but all I have is about $10 to last me until Friday or Saturday. My apartment looks like a landfill with all the trash and crap that needs to be thrown out and this is no exaggeration. Oh yeah, I am still obese, probably around 260 lbs with bad skin and hair sprouting in places no woman should have hair.
I am feeling kind of discouraged and very ashamed of my situation. My sister, who is just about the opposite of me in every way, was telling me how she did some impromptu credit card counseling with a young woman. My face burned with shame as she told me her advice to this girl, because I am essentially the financial cautionary tale.
I do think that I have a couple of things on my side, working in my favor. What, pray tell, could those be, you may ask? I am tired of my situation and I have faith that my situation can change if I am willing to put in the work.
I realize that I will have to become an entrepreneur or an independent contractor very quickly in order to make any real headway into turning the tide of my financial situation. There are some things that I have looked up that require little in the way of overhead or investment. There is one thing that I really want to do, that has been near and dear to my heart for years. I just don't really know what to do.
I have a lot to get done in a very short amount of time. I have to figure out a business and thoroughly clean an apartment that hasn't seen Windex, Clorox bleach, or a dust rag in many months.
It is time for prayer...
Dear God,
My life is a mess. I have developed this propensity, this tendency to being self-destructive. Because of this self-destructive streak, my finances and my apartment are a mess. My weight is at or near its all-time high. I have not been able to get traction in these areas of my life.
I pray that you would help me to overcome this awful streak and help me to win in life. I pray that you would equip and enable me to rise above this mess and clearly guide me into victory and health. Finally, I ask that You would help me to continually hunger and thirst after You. After all, You are the game changer. My situation looks impossible, but Jesus said that with God, all things are possible. I don't see how I can meet all my obligations, but it is written that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Although my feelings haven't changed, I know that I have to decide whose report I am going to believe.
Please come through for me quickly!
AMEN
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