Employment "Challenge"

I was talking to a friend today and I may have stumbled upon new insight regarding my coping skills.  Although I am optimistic about my future, I have many challenges to overcome.  My primary challenge right now is being/remaining employed.  I told my friend that there were signs that I was starting to go downhill but I chose not to look at them because I didn't want to believe that I was starting to falter.  Only when there was dysfunction that affected my employment did I start to open my eyes to my life not working.  I mean, I am living in a trash heap.  That should have been a big clue.  I also began missing deadlines and developing a sense of apathy.  It seems like working a 9 to 5 is challenging for me.  It requires consistency and emotional strength that is harder for me to sustain than it is for most others.  I don't have it all figured out yet, but I think this could lead to better recognition of a downward spiral before it hits too hard.

Pitiful or Powerful?

Wow!  It has almost been two years since I have posted anything here!

I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life.  I heard a woman say that you can  be pitiful or you can be powerful, but you can't be both.  I believe that I am stable enough to choose the powerful route.  I am tired of living small and limiting myself based on my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder.  I have to act on my (modified) dreams and make them a reality.  I am undertaking a Transformation Challenge.  (Nothing formal, I am making this up as I go along.)  I desire change in the following areas: faith, fitness, finances, relationships, and housekeeping.  I just realized that I can blog during my transformation!  That will help keep me accountable.  In future posts, I will break down the areas and give progress reports, at specific points in my journey.

It's good to be back!  Take care of yourself!

The Word of the Day Is Discipline

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am very overweight. Actually, I am off the charts obese. I started packing on the pounds because facing the emotional pain in my life was too difficult. Now that my life is finally gaining stability, I am ready to start tackling both the weight and the issues (I think!).
I was looking through my dieter's devotional and found a chapter on pain. This chapter, however, referred to the pain of discipline and not emotional pain. I read on anyway, and I am glad that I did. After reading the chapter, I realized that I don't say "no" to myself. I allow myself to be very self-indulgent, but I don't like the results (I'm fat, the house is a mess, etc, etc). Basically the results have been pretty disastrous.
What is heartening is to know that I have the ability to change what isn't working. I have to practice delaying gratification so that I can enjoy the fruits of my labor-a slim and healthy body, a clean apartment, and prosperity in my personal and professional.

After I wrote the above post, I ran across a statement that resonated with me: sports psychology is self-discipline and mental toughness. I have been thinking about trying to adopt an athlete's mentality on a daily basis and that statement reminded me of that. You know, athlete's perform pretty much no matter what and that is something that I have to learn to do. They are disciplined and they push through pain and doubt so they can compete at their best.
My favorite bipolar blogger, Julie Fast, wrote about thinking like an athlete in her book, Get It Done When You're Depressed. This is where I first got the idea and she does it justice. I highly recommend her book (and no, I am not being paid for this!)

Feeling Blue...and Broke!

I am feeling kind of down today. I think that it is linked to the amount of money in my bank account (which is also down!) It really sucks not having money. I have to get myself together where my finances are concerned. I am finally working a full time job so that helps tremendously, but I still need more income to cover everything. I am hoping that my side business that I am launching will fill in the gap and then some. Until then, I need to examine my money attitude to see why I have been a poor money manager and then make the necessary corrections so that I am not broke always.
In the meantime, I will do some reading, cleaning and cap the evening off with an in-home spa night. I hope that will help me to feel better or at least distract me from having very little money!

Today was a really good day. I got my laundry done and I met my sister at one of my favorite coffeehouses. I enjoyed visiting with her, although we were supposed to be working! When she left, I did some of my reading, mostly spiritual and personal development books. Boy, it has been a while since I have really gotten into it like I did today! It was great and I felt my spirit lifted. I have been reading "Just Like Jesus" by Max Lucado and finished it yesterday. I highly recommend Max Lucado. He is such a good writer! I have also picked "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield again. It is a rather lengthy book with a lot of really good material in it. I am going through it slowly, trying to absorb it. I recommend this book as well. I see that I will have to make some time to go through these materials slowly so that I can get all the juice out of them! Since I have started working, I have kind of been going through the motions of doing my reading and getting very little benefit. I will have to do it either in the morning before going to work or in the evening when I get home. I also need to start listening to uplifting audio. I have some CD's by Valorie Burton and Joel Osteen that I can listen to at home.

My Future's So Bright...

I was talking to a friend a few days ago, and I told her that I feel like I can see a bright future for myself. At first I had to squint at the light, because I was coming out of a dark place. Now that my eyes are adjusting to the light, I can finally see opportunities that lay before me. I am not saying that I have arrived, but I do strive to improve my whole being. I am very excited about reaching and being able to reach some goals that I have written about for years. It is so wonderful to be able to believe and see things come to pass!
I am working on embarking on a new career path. I spoke with a life coach and told her about my diagnosis. She was very encouraging, even knowing about my diagnosis. That made me feel really good.

On a different note, I have decided to stop hating my body. I have decided to appreciate it and work to treat it better so that it treats me better. In time, I will come to love it and feel good about it, especially when I drop these excess pounds!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, it is Valentine's Day. I was a little down about that, since I don't have a boyfriend, but I focused on other things. I rented a couple of movies and did my hair while I watched "For Colored Girls". One of the things that struck me was how much I wanted to be like one of the characters. She was a free spirit, yet very grounded. She seemed to really enjoy living and was very engaged as well as engaging. I have decided that I will enjoy my life starting right now. I am not going to wait until I get better mentally, have a boyfriend/husband, make more money, or get thinner. I will start being engaged in my life right now. I will do the best that I can to get ahead while I am enjoying where I am. This Valentine's Day ended up being a good one. Happy Valentine's Day to me!