Depressed....Again

I have been depressed. The holidays were kind of difficult for me and the depression sort of crept upon me. It wasn't until my friend mentioned her symptoms that it finally dawned on me that I was depressed. It has been difficult for me to take care of myself and that includes taking my medication regularly. I have been missing doses and that is not good. It starts me down a slippery slope that leads to hospitalization and I don't want to go there if I can avoid it. I have also been sleeping a LOT. Showering has been difficult for me and that is a big sign right there. It kind of feels like I am moving and thinking through molasses.
It also seems like my grasp on reality is more slippery which makes sense since I haven't been taking my meds like I need to. This sucks big time!
I can't let my condition continue to degenerate. I have GOT to become proactive and do what I can to get better. I need to read some chapters out of Julie Fast's book "Get It Done When You're Depressed". Speaking of reading, I need to read a book to nurture my spirit. I also need to make a short list of things that I need to do and do them in order to feel a sense of accomplishment. This, combined with my list of things to do when I am depressed, should be a good start!

Hodgepodge

My therapist recommended a book called "The Success Principles:How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to Be". I haven't gotten very far in the book, but I love it! I realize that I have got to think better if I want to do better. (Joel Osteen helped me see that) I realized that my thinking is still very negative and that I have to do some major work in order to dramatically improve my life.
I have a job interview coming up! I hope that I do well because it would be nice to have this position. With it, I would be able to start to dig my way out of debt.
My weekend project is my refrigerator. It is in bad shape! I got rid of all the food in it because I need to start over from scratch! Now I need to clean it. This is my first step in getting healthy.

Is it Depression or Something Else?

Something is not right. I have been sleeping waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much. It feels like I have lost the motivation that I had. I don't know what my problem is. I will see if I can get myself in gear. I guess that I need to look at the list that I made the last time that I felt like this. I HATE feeling this way. I have wasted a bunch of time and I really dislike that. I can't dwell on it though, because there is nothing that I can do about it. I can only move on from here.
I think that I feel overwhelmed by all the changes that I need/want to make in my life. I would like to start my own business. I also need to: lose weight, clean my place, find a job, do my hair, do laundry, clean out my car, go to group. Maybe that is why I have been sleeping so much! I have been avoiding my responsibilities. I feel like I will never get around to doing everything that I need to do. Well, I've gotta start somewhere and do something!

I've Gotta Feeling...

I have this wonderful feeling that happens more and more often. I have this feeling that things are possible as long as I work for them. That makes me excited. I am also excited because I am feeling more up to doing the work to create these possibilities than I have in a long time. I have the belief that God will help me to go on a new career path. I have talked about this new path with friends and family, and most of them have been very supportive. As my plans solidify, I will post more about it. I hope that good things are happening for you, too!

Focus!

It is very easy for me to get distracted and sidetracked. One of the qualities that I need to develop is focus.
I am reading "How Successful People Think" and the author speaks to the importance of focus as opposed to multitasking. I think that part of the reason that I have a problem with focus is that I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to complete the tasks that I want to accomplish and so I am thinking about what isn't getting done while I should just focus on what I am doing. I also need to learn to prioritize which is also tough for me. I feel like everything is important! I think I will go over the goals that I have set and see what I can do about working toward them everyday.

In other news...I quit my tutoring job! I didn't exactly handle it well, but at least I didn't get fired, because unfortunately, I think that is where I was headed. On to the next venture!

Getting a Grip on Depression

The depression got worse today, but I forced myself to do a number of things to combat it:
1. I showered
2. I wore something that I feel good in when I am well
3. I got out of the house
4. I called friends and family even though I wanted to isolate
5. I listened to music with a fast tempo
6. I read supportive and spiritual material

These steps really helped even though they were not easy. Now the really hard part comes: dealing with the issues that were spiralling me down. Ugh.

Would You Get Rid of Your Depression If You Could?

Most people, I believe, would answer with a resounding "yes"! I would too-sometimes. One thought that came to mind tonight is how I depend on depression. It keeps me from having to deal with life. People know that they cannot depend on me and thus I can remain childish in some aspects of my life. I also have an excuse for being irresponsible. I can use it when I don't feel like going to work. Maybe, ultimately, it shields me from seeing these unsavory parts of myself. I can blame it on depression and not have to really work on it. When I think of being free of depression, I can only think of the responsibility and not the energy and joy that would also come along with it.
Yet, I have to strive to at least minimize the depression in my life because I still remember the one day that I had this year that was a really good day. I wasn't nearly as depressed as I usually am and there wasn't anything spectacular about the day other than I wasn't as depressed as usual. I so wish I knew what I did so that I could duplicate that feeling. Even my chores didn't feel like chores!
Maybe I actually would get rid of depression if i could. Thinking back to that day, I believe that my answer would be a resounding "yes"!