My Future's So Bright...

I was talking to a friend a few days ago, and I told her that I feel like I can see a bright future for myself. At first I had to squint at the light, because I was coming out of a dark place. Now that my eyes are adjusting to the light, I can finally see opportunities that lay before me. I am not saying that I have arrived, but I do strive to improve my whole being. I am very excited about reaching and being able to reach some goals that I have written about for years. It is so wonderful to be able to believe and see things come to pass!
I am working on embarking on a new career path. I spoke with a life coach and told her about my diagnosis. She was very encouraging, even knowing about my diagnosis. That made me feel really good.

On a different note, I have decided to stop hating my body. I have decided to appreciate it and work to treat it better so that it treats me better. In time, I will come to love it and feel good about it, especially when I drop these excess pounds!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, it is Valentine's Day. I was a little down about that, since I don't have a boyfriend, but I focused on other things. I rented a couple of movies and did my hair while I watched "For Colored Girls". One of the things that struck me was how much I wanted to be like one of the characters. She was a free spirit, yet very grounded. She seemed to really enjoy living and was very engaged as well as engaging. I have decided that I will enjoy my life starting right now. I am not going to wait until I get better mentally, have a boyfriend/husband, make more money, or get thinner. I will start being engaged in my life right now. I will do the best that I can to get ahead while I am enjoying where I am. This Valentine's Day ended up being a good one. Happy Valentine's Day to me!

Ever Have That "Floaty" Feeling?

I am feeling a bit (okay, maybe more than a little bit) spacy. I know it is due to a number of factors. Because the weather is not good, I have been staying indoors and sleeping ALOT. I haven't been taking very good care of myself and I feel pretty loopy. Hmmmmmmmm-not taking care of myself and feeling loopy. Could there be a connection?!? I just feel kind of "floaty" and not grounded.

I go to work tonight. I think that will help to give me structure. I definitely need structure and I do better when I have it! Plus, I need the money desperately! I hope that the roads are okay.

I think that I will do my inspirational reading and I hope that will help to wake me up and feel less "floaty". At least I will have accomplished something today!

Depressed....Again

I have been depressed. The holidays were kind of difficult for me and the depression sort of crept upon me. It wasn't until my friend mentioned her symptoms that it finally dawned on me that I was depressed. It has been difficult for me to take care of myself and that includes taking my medication regularly. I have been missing doses and that is not good. It starts me down a slippery slope that leads to hospitalization and I don't want to go there if I can avoid it. I have also been sleeping a LOT. Showering has been difficult for me and that is a big sign right there. It kind of feels like I am moving and thinking through molasses.
It also seems like my grasp on reality is more slippery which makes sense since I haven't been taking my meds like I need to. This sucks big time!
I can't let my condition continue to degenerate. I have GOT to become proactive and do what I can to get better. I need to read some chapters out of Julie Fast's book "Get It Done When You're Depressed". Speaking of reading, I need to read a book to nurture my spirit. I also need to make a short list of things that I need to do and do them in order to feel a sense of accomplishment. This, combined with my list of things to do when I am depressed, should be a good start!

Hodgepodge

My therapist recommended a book called "The Success Principles:How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to Be". I haven't gotten very far in the book, but I love it! I realize that I have got to think better if I want to do better. (Joel Osteen helped me see that) I realized that my thinking is still very negative and that I have to do some major work in order to dramatically improve my life.
I have a job interview coming up! I hope that I do well because it would be nice to have this position. With it, I would be able to start to dig my way out of debt.
My weekend project is my refrigerator. It is in bad shape! I got rid of all the food in it because I need to start over from scratch! Now I need to clean it. This is my first step in getting healthy.

Is it Depression or Something Else?

Something is not right. I have been sleeping waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much. It feels like I have lost the motivation that I had. I don't know what my problem is. I will see if I can get myself in gear. I guess that I need to look at the list that I made the last time that I felt like this. I HATE feeling this way. I have wasted a bunch of time and I really dislike that. I can't dwell on it though, because there is nothing that I can do about it. I can only move on from here.
I think that I feel overwhelmed by all the changes that I need/want to make in my life. I would like to start my own business. I also need to: lose weight, clean my place, find a job, do my hair, do laundry, clean out my car, go to group. Maybe that is why I have been sleeping so much! I have been avoiding my responsibilities. I feel like I will never get around to doing everything that I need to do. Well, I've gotta start somewhere and do something!

I've Gotta Feeling...

I have this wonderful feeling that happens more and more often. I have this feeling that things are possible as long as I work for them. That makes me excited. I am also excited because I am feeling more up to doing the work to create these possibilities than I have in a long time. I have the belief that God will help me to go on a new career path. I have talked about this new path with friends and family, and most of them have been very supportive. As my plans solidify, I will post more about it. I hope that good things are happening for you, too!