My life is such a mess. When I think about trying to overhaul it, I just lay in bed and watch TV, bad movies preferably. I would say that I don't know where to start, but that isn't entirely true. One of my sisters is supposed to stay with me this weekend and my apartment is a WRECK! I need to clean it, even if she decides not to come. The other area of my life that I need to make headway in is my professional life. I am currently working as a substitute teacher which is good and bad. It is good in that if I am having a bad day, I don't have to go in. I really like the flexibility. The bad is that I have no benefits, the pay isn't that great, and sometimes it is good for me to go out and do something when I don't feel like it. I really need to get a real job and it scares me. I am scared that I won't get hired and I am scared that I will get hired and won't be able to do the job well. I don't feel like there is much that I can do well. I used to have so much confidence in my ability to do things well and now it seems like the confidence has just slowly evaporated.
Other areas of my life that suck are that I am obese, I am lonely (my marriage broke up about 2 years ago) and I am in a horrible financial situation. My friends and family are my few saving graces. They are great and have been very supportive.
I want more positive things in my life but I don't feel like I have the energy to pursue them. Worse yet, I don't really believe that I could get them even if I pursued them. I feel like it is my lot in life to suck. Sometimes I can't believe how my life has crashed down around me. I feel pretty much helpless to do anything about it.
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